My Support Forums - View Single Post - "You've failed yourself as a female because..."

saidso · Mar 25, 2019 at 03:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guilloche

Awww... thanks Ennie, I appreciate that!

I think there are different types of "selfish", actually.

Right now, I'm focused on myself, and that's kind of "selfish" in a very logical way, but I think it's not a bad thing. I'm trying to take care of myself, figure out what I need to function and be happy, how to literally make my life better. I think that's healthy, but I absolutely see how it could seem "selfish".

As opposed to... be willing to hurt or cheat other people to get things that you want/need, or for your own amusement. That's "bad selfish" (in my mind).

So, I'm totally OK with being the first type, and I don't think I'm the second type, so really, I don't worry too much about it

In the moment though, his comment sort of stopped me in my tracks. I hadn't realize that people actually think that it's "selfish" to *not* have kids. We have plenty of people, we're not hurting for people, and the world kind of sucks... why bring more people in to it, especially if I'm not sure I can take do a good job parenting them, because of my own issues.

But it's OK. I'm sure he has his own issues around it too. We're still friends, though sadly he's moved out of state, so we don't get to chat as much. Life goes on...

Thanks!

I could have written everything that you wrote in your first post guillouche. I was very poor when in my twenties and didn't want to share what little money that I had with a child - I just needed to live my life separate from my biological famiy situation. Even that is a handful sometimes, and I think that just by being a survivor of daily childhood violence sometimes I give a lot - but yes it is difficult to talk about.

I'm so sorry that your friend wasn't open-minded enough to listen to you on that subject!!! That's a bummer and I'd like to (gently) wring his neck!

I've recently "fought" with a younger friend who asked for an explanation of my life and she is so "entitled" that I honestly told her that I wouldn't know where to start, what exactly was her question!

Finding out how to communicate my truth in a way that feels comfortable for me is a huge work in progress. Many other people are so enmeshed in the perception of the world how they see it. I mostly don't want to change them, but rather it's a journey for me to choose to communicate or not to communicate with people who ask me questions.

Saidso