I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, ExplodingSun56 Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Dealing with neglect is certainly not easy and I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I hope things will get better soon for you. I'm sure you can do this! I believe in you! We all believe in you! We're all rooting for you! I completely agree with what raging vortex has already wisely said better than I ever could. I hope writing here helps a bit. Please keep venting and writing here as much as you can and want! We all care about you here! We all love you here! You know we won't judge you! I promise you that. Be free to be yourself here! Sending many hugs to you, ExplodingSun56. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! Please don't give up! Try to hang on as much as you can! You're a strong, wonderful person! Please remember that You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! Please don't give up! Try to hang on! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this