I'm seeing T this morning instead of tomorrow and I am really excited. It means that there are 4 days since the last session instead of 5. And for some reason that feels much shorter. However, I I processed so much in the last few days and will have a hard time deciding what to tell him. When that happens I often walk into T's office and choke. What I mean is, I walk in, sit down and can't say a word. Then I get anxious. Then I dissociate. What a productive way to spend my time and money!

There are so many different ways that people can communicate with each other, through poetry, art, music to name a few. I have sent T letters and shared some of my poetry with him. He said he prefers that I find words to describe what I am feeling. I understand what he means and where he is going with this. He wants the healing to take place "real time" in our relationship. However, sometimes I feel the opposite--that I am smothered by this request. I think THIS is what I have to discuss today--always building that bridge, filling in that space.

Sigh.