Kiya,

This is just a question. Do you think you may be resisting this relationship with your T because you feel like she is trying to replace your pdoc? Or that you are somehow betraying you pdoc and the relationship you the two of you sharer? This is just a question, I am not imply that you should feel this way.

This may be totally off base-
Reading your posts I kind of made me thing of my step-daughter. I have a great open relationship with both of my step-daughters. I entered their lives when they were in their mid teens, both are now adults. One has had a very difficult time dealing with her mother.

It has only been in the past year, that she has started to interact with her mother. Although I was not in the picture at the time, things got really bad between my husband and his ex-wife. When they separated for good, the kids (in their early teens) stayed with their dad. As wife #2, I have always attempted to supportive both of them in their relationship with girls. My step-daughter and I have had many conversations over the years about her mom. Mainly because her dad does not have any kind words to say about the woman. I'm a neural party and simply listen. In my conversations with her over the years, it has always seemed like she felt a lot of guilt about wanting a relationship with her mother. Kind of like she would be betraying/hurting her father if she indicated that she cared about her or was interested in getting to know her. My husband also does a lot of things to feed this guilt, even today. I imagine this is common in divorce.

This past year my step-daughter seems to be finding her own way and seeing her mother from a more humanistic perspective. I think she has finally realize that the terms of their relationship are between just the two of them. My husband tends to get defensive and makes this difficult. Luckily, now that she is living on her own she has the distance from him to explore this relationship.

I don't know, I am so glad for her that she has come to realize that she can love and have a good relationship with both her parents. I really think she is growing a lot and will be a lot happier as she does this.

I think if you take a change an let your T in, you may realize that you can have two really great people who can help you when you need it. I'm sure both of these relationship will be unique and rich in their own way.

Sorry if I am off base here, just think'en out loud.

...Oh am I just full of fuzzy love today. If I could only just embrace the relationships in my own life!