It's so weird to be thinking these things and know that you know (even if you don't know all the specific details) and that you're okay with it. That I'm "allowed" to let myself.

Realistically I didn't really expect my worst fears to come true. I knew you probably wouldn't tell me that I was right that I was disgusting and pathetic and a bad person.
But you were even more okay with it than even the rational part of me expected.
It's not like you were shocked but then tried to be non-judgmental or whatever. It made me feel better that your response was basically "wait, that's it? that's what you think is so unacceptable and horrible?"
And I really really appreciated the reassurance that you're not uncomfortable with the subject. It felt like you really did mean it.

It was also unexpected that you responded to the parallel/analogy I used like that. I think you were reading too much into it (though at least it seems like you finally understand that I really don't mean that I feel that way about you). I maintain that most people would be uncomfortable with that idea, it would be a lot more unusual if I wasn't uncomfortable with it.
I see a lot of posts by people whose therapists reacted negatively to the disclosure and weren't okay with discussing it, and they're supposed to be more understanding and used to it.

I think I'll tell you a bit more on Friday. Maybe I'll even say it out loud instead of making you read it.
I think I need to talk to you about eye contact again too. I think it would have been reassuring and comforting if I'd been able to allow myself to look at you and see compassion and no indication of judgment or disgust.