Janniebug…
My suggestion to you is to go back to that Wall mart and pick up a case of that crap, and drink it as fast as you can. And after that, go do it again, and again and again.
You are in that sad place of just wanting to want to quit. You aren’t ready. Until you are in deep and unrelenting spiritual pain, you are going to play this game. It’s still fun. If you are lucky, it will a lot harder soon, if you aren’t lucky it won’t.
You sound like a young person, your body bounces back quickly. Try to picture yourself at 30 or 40, a washed up and bloated sot with no family or friends left that will have anything to do with you. Your liver screams at you every time you take a drink and you have to drink just to stop the shakes.
At that point you might be ready to admit total defeat, and start moving on with a sober life, maybe, maybe not. But right now, you’re having way too much fun.
We’ll see you around the rooms when it stops being so much fun. And it will.

Shadowalker 164