I love her to the extremes in a soul-deep way, she loves me the same way but we lost each other and my traumas upset her so much she stopped going to college in her 3rd year. Now, when I think of her, my eyes automatically get watery. My eyes go cry mode at the thought or any reminder of her and it might be so intense that after a while, I dissociate and go numb. Even if I don't feel anything, I still feel overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I lost her physically and ruined her life and she still wants me but we lost each other. What do I do? Do I avoid thinking of her in any way or repeatedly go numb, cry and repeat this cycle and somehow I can exhaust it? What to do?