You say she doesn't want to talk about sex. Are you telling her how beautiful she looks (especially when she is wearing something that looks good on her), how much you need her, taking her out and focussing on her, etc. then after that hint about sex? Do you just hold her for a long time then kiss her over and over before going to the sex? Do you hold hands and hug alot? Do you help her with the dishes, or watch her cook and say you are doing it because you want to spend time with her? She might not be in the mood because it can still be necessary to "court" our spouses....

I looked and saw that Illinois may eventually legalize pot (Chicago Tribune - We are currently unavailable in your region) from my POV, pot improves your libido. I wonder if she would consider using.....

And though it is not as good as sex with a partner--there is nothing wrong with getting some relief all by yourself. Maybe just talking about it here will make you realize that it doesn't hurt anyone and might make you less grumpy. Practice and it might be OK.

Also, when she has been in the mood--do you make sure she gets as much satisfaction as you do? If she doesn't get there--that can be extremely demotivating if it happens regularly, though it will happen sometimes. This is the kind of thing you both need to try to talk about. Talking about sex is so important when you are married.....