Bad night last night, vomited shortly after going to bed so I lost all my night meds. I did manage to fall asleep for about an hour and a half. Had a manic dream, dreamed that I was manic and woke in so much pain and my hands were burning hot and dry just like they do when I get manic. It was so attractive, that burning intense wildness in which you know 100% that everything you do is right. But man I can't even handle a manic dream without my body being in pain. I'm too old to have a real mania episode. Have arthritis of the spine so any lack of rest causes flare ups. Don't know when but while it was still dark took a full ambian tablet and managed to get some more sleep, enough that the hot hands and burning back calmed down. But boy there's some parts of the mania I miss, the confidence and conviction of my beliefs the feeling of invincibility. But boy I can't physically handle it. Dreams like this is what keeps me talking my meds and doing self care.