Thanks @Fuzzybear for your hugs. I have a few acutely painful memories from my childhood but already before the memories I have of abuse I have memories of being all alone to play by myself. I was 3 or 4 and playing with a plastic golf club and ball by myself in Scotland before we moved to the States.

@fern46 Yes grooming is a scary term. I think this is how I was raised too. I was groomed to be abused. I grew up and entered into abusive relationships with men. Not all were abusive though.

I think you are write that he may very well be projecting. He was talking about how we were both professionals (I'm on disability now) with psychosis. He was telling me how he would be in the depths of depression sometimes and want to tell his patients who were also depressed that they had no idea how bad it could be. He was basically saying that he suffered much more so than many of his patients. It was all about his suffering, his isolation and how he also grew up in an emotionally deprived environment.

For many years as a child I thought I was adopted because my sister was treated so much better than I and the three of them seemed to form a group that I was left out of.

I just feel the need to get this out of my system. Thanks for reading.