I think it might be useful to have a conversation regarding my feelings about physical contact/touch
it kind of embodies a lot of my issues
but the idea of bringing it up feels incredibly uncomfortable
I guess that's kind of part of the issue though, right?
I know I need to trust you. I know that after everything else that you've been understanding and non-judgmental and compassionate about, you're not going to be disgusted by the very thought of someone being willing to touch me.
Right?

Just please don't think it's a request. I don't need you to tell me it's not allowed. The rejection would hurt, especially if you were telling me preemptively when I didn't even ask. It would feel humiliating. It would feel like admonishment. It would deeply damage the trust required for me to bring up these issues.
I'm not sure I'd even want you to touch me. As much as I long for the idea of a hug from you or something, as you put it a long time ago, boundaries help children feel safe.

I was going to cut but then I started wondering whether you'd be upset/bothered by it, and I'd want you to be. But now I'm questioning my own motives. If I actually do it how can I be sure I wasn't doing it because I want a reaction from you? Would it be manipulative if I was going to do it before I thought about telling you?
What if I do it but don't tell you? Then I wasn't doing it for attention, right?