I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, raging vortex You're not stupid at all! Please don't be so hard on yourself! It wasn't your fault if you got triggered! You didn't know! I completely agree with what amandalouise and Dnester have already wisely said on this thread better than I ever could! You've been given lots of great advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it if you can! Just try to apply all the coping techniques that you know of and try to avoid the later episodes if you can! At least you know better now! Please remember that it's NOT your fault any of this happened. You didn't know. Things like this can happen! I'm sure things will get better soon for you! Just take all the time you need to get better. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. No need to hurry! You're a strong, wonderful person! Please remember that! Sending many hugs to you, raging vortex! We're all here for you! Please remember that!