I could try listening to some podcasts but this invega has my mind really numb from the magic. I can't feel the magic of life. Everything is dull and uninteresting. I just want to sleep. I feel like a zombie. I keep thinking about what the soldiers said. I need something else to replace those thoughts. I want to read but it's like my mind is frozen and stuck on pause. Like the wheel isn't turning in my brain. It's just silent and I don't care but something is screaming inside me and that scream is dying out and I can't hear it anymore.

What happened to me? Where is that spark that you people see sometimes? It's gone.. My brain is frozen and nothing is moving. The neurotransmitters disappeared and it looks like a rusting empty playground.

I don't know how long this will last but I feel like just fading into being not able to function just enough to get by. My motivation is dead. I don't have the strength to continue on the path I want to go.