Hi there. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I've read through your thread... it's been a few days since reading, so please forgive me if I am inaccurate about any details you shared.

I think it's easy to feel envious of others when somewhere deep inside, we feel a sense of lacking in our own lives. You talked about lacking purpose (I believe) since your babies were born and since you won't be having any more babies. And about having some post-partum depression.

I am not a mother myself, so I am speaking simply from having watched others and from life experience, but from my viewpoint, your purpose does not end here. You have many years ahead -- a lifetime ahead -- of being a mother to your children -- and to build new dreams for yourself.

I think you also mentioned about now needing to return to work? That can be quite a drastic change after childbirth, I would imagine.

Feeling like you have a life purpose is a deeply distressing notion to so many people. What is our purpose? Why are we here and what are we here to accomplish? When we see others accomplishing things in their lives, like buying a new home, it can be really hard for many people and disheartening.

Having children is one of the greatest accomplishments of all time, however, and in my opinion. And you've done it!!! I also applaud you for going through such painful and difficult child deliveries each time. I know I couldn't do it myself.... that takes SUCH tremendous courage and strength!!!! AND YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!

I suppose what I am getting at here is: be proud of yourself. You deserve it!

And if you feel some sense of emptiness and lack of purpose now, perhaps now is a great time to do some soul searching about what makes you happiest and will bring feelings of fulfillment and joy?

You are a mom, you will continue to mother, and that's an amazing purpose all by itself! But apart from your children, you are your own person... with dreams, desires, hopes and perhaps some inner-most personal goals.

That being said: I once heard that our life purpose is to live in joy, to give and to love. And for me, that really resonated.

We can find things in life, even the smallest of things, that bring joy on a daily basis -- with children especially -- we give to our children (well, not me but the collective world), we give to others in our lives, and we love people in our lives.

I kind of liked the simplicity of that. To live in joy, to give and to love. And these things have nothing to do with buying homes, working, or finding a career, or anything external from ourselves. It's all internal and what we give to the world of ourselves.

It may not resonate for you, but it did for me, I guess more of on a spiritual level?

And I just realized I wrote a novel! So sorry. I didn't mean to babble so much! This may or may not help you along your journey, but I thought I would share it with you.

And you are definitely not selfish for feeling the way you do!! Wishing you all the best. ((((Hugs)))))