T often keeps his back to me until we get to our chairs and after session. During the session I think I am doing well with eye contact but I know several times he has to led me he needs eye contact for something.... so maybe not? I know when I get very vulnerable I stare and don’t look away but it isn’t true eye contact it is more of a hypervigilence wanting to know what is going to happen to me.
I DO spend a lot of time on his web page looking at his picture (great picture for eye contact... but it is older and he looks different)... but I tend to do gaze/eye contact with the picture. I think because it is less threatening and the only time it “talks” I pick what it says from my memories of T.
For me I am thinking it is because I did not get any of the eye contact/mirroring/gaze stuff infants were supposed to get and that’s where we are in therapy right now.