Quote:
Originally Posted by jaymoq
Thanks everyone. I am definitely discussing this with my therapist. It seems like a cruel joke that this is how this relationship would go. When we met, he said he'd never go back to working away from home. It was too hard on him. That's why he quit in the first place. And I thought "Oh great, because that is not something I want."
And now, this. Need to leave.
Its exhausting.
The job is driving a truck. There are definitely jobs locally. There is no reason to go over-the-road except making a little bit more money and the freedom of the open road. Which I suspect is what he's looking for.
Yet again I find myself being duped by another person. In to believing the words they say.
But if I can't believe them- how do I live? I am so tired of dishonesty. I am tired of deceit. I am tired of putting my faith in to anyone.
And so, I find myself yet again facing the concept of being alone. And that stinks. And I can't help but consider all these mentions of "Well you keep finding these guys..." as a way to point out its my fault. I'm the broken one. I'm the messed up one. I deserve this.
And that is the sort of negative self-talk my therapist is trying to get me to stop. But maybe its right. Maybe I am just....stupid. Naïve. I sabotage myself. I intentionally select mates that are horrible because I believe I deserve horror.
A man tried to kill me once before and I just don't know if I've ever recovered from believing that I shouldn't be here.
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It sounds like you already know what your boundaries are with your boyfriend -- that you need to be with a man who works locally and comes home every day to you. Your boyfriend doesn't want that lifestyle.
So, I think you two are not compatible.
A guy I met, was in a relationship with his girlfriend for 6 years. They have had a relationship long distance for 6 years, seeing each other occasionally. His work requires him to travel everywhere, whereas her work requires her to work locally 9 to 5. Recently she broke up with him, telling him that the reason is she doesn't feel like a priority over his work, which is actually true.
He is obsessed with his line of work and is always online. Always. More than 50% of their relationship was FaceTiming each other from their separate states, then occasionally taking trips to see each other. I guess she got fed up with him not prioritizing her over his type of work, so she dumped him. He then proceeded to flirt with me and try to start something online with me, to which I put a stop to, b/c I am not going to be some guy's rebound online relationship. Yuck. His constant messaging me has stopped now that he knows I'm not interested in being his supply of attention online anymore.
The point of me sharing my personal experience with you, is to show you that you are allowed to have boundaries. You are allowed to have standards. If the man you want to date won't respect those boundaries, or those standards and lashes out at you instead of respecting you...you have to ask yourself...WHY do you think you deserve that kind of abuse from another person?
I think it's clear that you two just aren't on the same page. He wants to be a truck driver and be gone all the time. That's not what you want in a partner.
There doesn't seem to be a compromise that either you or he can reach, so if that is the case, then maybe you should consider breaking up with him, so you can be available to date a man who respects your boundaries and meets your standards. Who will be around to date you instead of leaving you alone all the time. You did that once when you were married. You know that you don't want to do that again, and this current boyfriend is setting you up to be caught in that same pattern.