Woke up at 3 am. Four hours restless sleep will have to do for today as I’m wired. Anxiety. At least I don’t have much on today. Errands, swim and continuing to fix my Mac. Now it’s 4 am. Thinking of getting petrol soon before rush hour. My empty light is on. What an exciting life I live.

My partner has warned me that he will leave if I don’t stop arguing with him all the time. He’s right but my anxiety just can’t walk away from a conversation if I feel it’s not finished. Then it escalates. He is also tired of hearing about my issues. He is not a jerk. All my life I have lost almost every friend or partner due to my behaviour that is mostly caused by my illness, and of course my personality. I am distraught. Am I destined to be alone, and is this my fault?

Here on PC I’m ready to walk away. I feel I’m only doing the same thing, pushing people away and making myself unpopular. My suffering is great but I whine about it too much. Probably boring you all at best. No one here has hurt me. I just feel I’m not helping here and that everyone would be better off if I left.