I have an endoscopy and colonoscopy coming up soon due to getting quite anemic since August 2018. Everything to do with my red blood cells has plummeted from normal. I'm pale. My lips have practically no color, my nails look weird, just a bit of exercise makes me lose my breath (I could easily run 10 miles a few months ago), and to top it off, I'm eating so much crushed ice from the refrigerator ice maker, I am having to routinely push the "more ice" button so it will make extra ice, and I doubt it is good for my teeth. Many days now, I just want to eat ice with a bit of Powerade Zero, but really it's about getting the ice. This is a form of pica, I guess associated with low iron, and they don't really know why it happens. I have been eating ice since January though it has picked up a ton since then.

None of the usual culprits are the cause; I haven't had any heavy bleeding, haven't had a change in diet (except the huge ice craving), and the drop is so steep, it is not dietary.

That brings them back to worrying about internal bleeding, especially since I had repair on a perforated duodenal ulcer Feb. 2018. So the GI doc wants an endoscopy & colonoscopy fast. I am tentatively scheduled to have it done on Tuesday but need prior authorization from the stupid insurance. If the doc's assistant can't get it by 5 PM tomorrow, she will let me know, I won't have to drink the prep stuff. However, in the case the insurance does approve it, and to be prepared for that, I have to be on a clear liquid diet all day tomorrow to be ready to start taking the prep stuff at 5 PM. So whether or not I get the authorization, it's clear liquid diet tomorrow until I know. Otherwise, I might get scheduled for Thursday or possibly the next Tuesday, but I'm going to push for Thursday as hard as I can as I have been feeling like crap physically, and it seems to have been getting worse fast.

My mood is up and down but a bit manicky too and anxiety meds aren't doing a thing. Supposed to see the T tomorrow, depending on how I'm doing.

I'm scared too. Really scared. I don't want another surgery. I want them to be able to fix the problem easily. There are all these other things that can happen after gastric surgery, leading to low iron and vitamin deficiencies, but I don't know what the doctor will find.

I think I'm getting manicky because ironically one of the symptoms of anemia can be insomnia. Thinking maybe I should just take 100 mg of Trazodone instead of 50 mg, or maybe do 75 mg, so I can sleep at night. I know the less sleep I get, the more manic I tend to become.

Just tired, cold and scared...sigh.