Hi. I am new to this forum. I have BPD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Complex-PTSD. I have also been diagnosed with Major Depression, but I am sure it is part of the BPD. Lately, I have had several bad flare ups. I have dissociation, and fight or flight response that I am not aware of until afterwards, when someone tells me how I acted. I also tend to self harm during those times. I have hit myself, pulled out my hair, scratched my face, and probably other things I don't remember.

I have been married to the same person for 30 years. It is hard to believe someone would put up with this for that long, but he has. It hurts me more that I lash out at him than what it does to me. Also, I have somehow held a job for 30 years. It is sometimes the only stability I have.

I was hospitalized for the second time in my life last October. I tried to kill myself, or at least I took a bunch of pills and tried to grab a pistol. Most of the pills were not anything lethal, but in that state, I couldn't tell. It is more like a 5 year old trying to kill herself than a 50 year old.

Been living with this most of my life. Parents were both mental and neglected and abused me. Dad is undiagnosed narcissist, and Mom is BPD or something like that. I am over the anger consciously, but my sub-conscious still has a lot of rage and fear. How do you let your sub-conscious know the abuse is over? That is a trick I haven't figured out. Luckily, I never had kids. I wish sometimes that I had been mentally healthy and had them, but I don't regret not because they would have the same fate as me.

Anyway, that is a brief intro. I hope to post more and read everyone here's posts. Thanks for being here. MT