I went in to see my doctor today. It was a simple reason for going. I needed suggestions on what to eat for IBS. I could have looked it up on the internet I'm sure. I found out that I weigh 190 lbs. I do not normally weigh myself. I felt really disappointed in this information. Even though I know that being a higher weight does not "mean anything." It's more about what you eat, and moving your body to stay healthy. Being overweight, fat, etc, means nothing. It means ****. But I am still so disappointed. I'm devastated. I feel so ugly now. I have gained weight in about a year. I miss being lighter. I wish I did not think this way.

The doctor was also 1 whole hour late to see me. My appt. was at 3. I waited in the room for a whole hour before she came in. She apologized. It seemed like there was some sort of weird miscommunication between her and the nurses. But I cried anyway. I had no idea that would be something that would trigger me to cry. I couldn't stop.

I have been online to "soothe myself." But it's not really helping much. I was looking on Facebook and my 2 cousins who refuse to friend me (and I don't know why) are friends with my other cousin's crazy insane fiancé. I decided to block them. Felt good. I don't need that ****.

I am still feeling really low. I need a hug.