I know you like object relations theory -- are you familiar with Heinz Kohut's self psychology as well? I like his concept of selfobject. It's more complicated than just attachment and it matches my internal experience better.

Once someone is our "selfobject" (there are 3 different types) -- usually parents or other people in our early environment but if things don't go well. . . -- then when they fail us it is experienced as a loss to our self, and hence painful.

If it weren't for that -- so what if he messed up and has unresolved issues of his own? Maybe, if you can see that and distinguish self/other in that way, it means that you are beginning to be ready to leave therapy? AND maybe it could be interesting to see how to pull away and just see and be with him as another human being, not quitting therapy suddenly because of it as you said.

Understand, of course -- I never did that! And I am still emotionally enmeshed with my last T and the consultant who referred me to her! They disappointed me and they suck!

Still, it seems intellectually like it would be a good thing if I ever could have gotten around to that way of dealing with things, and with other people. But maybe they were just too limited to be able to help me. Just a couple of other human beings, despite me wanting to idealize them, or wanting them as an alter ego.