Yes, I can understand how the thoughts themselves could provide a sort of release, an outlet for the pain. And you need outlets, when you are in pain. Anything really that can serve as an outlet or a distraction for you. I believe you’ve mentioned two to me already: Working out was one, and talking with your father is another. So is posting on this forum.

Also bearing in mind all the things that can go wrong when you try to kill yourself (see Dorothy Parker poem).

Also I suppose we have to realize that sadness is just as much a part of life as joy.

Take care.