Happy Wednesday to all. I had a very late night with my partner last night. Binge watching Homeland and talking deeply. It was good. But it meant I didn’t get hardly any sleep again. Will have to take something tonight. It’s been too long since I’ve slept well, long, or at all.

Saw my T today for my first trauma therapy. It was rough but helpful. We both agree it’s going to be a bumpy ride for a while. He stated that he would pull the plug immediately if he felt I was in trouble. Comforting he has my back. Still, I’m terrified, anxious, get the thousand yard stare, and panic attacks. This is normal. I swing from functional to a curled up ball. I can handle all this as long as I can get my strength back to give me confidence I can survive another severe mixed episode. It’s dying while very unwell that terrifies me. I don’t know if anyone can understand. I’ve been through so many severe episodes and don’t exactly know why this one has almost finished me.

Sending hugs to others who are traumatised. It is a horrible experience to go through.