My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T: I really need to tell you something XXXIX

LabRat27 · Apr 03, 2019, 02:47 AM

You tell me that wanting these things isn't shameful or pathetic, that it's natural and understandable. Even if that's true it still doesn't change the fact that I want something I can't have, at least not in the way I want right now, and that that hurts.

Possible trigger:

no matter what, you're never going to hold me.
I understand that. I'm not asking you to. Being able to trust that you'll maintain these boundaries is something that I need to feel safe, and I do trust you in that regard.

But I still want it and it hurts that I can't have it.
I feel pathetic for longing for something that you wouldn't be willing to give me even if I did ask for it
And I want to throw a childish temper tantrum and hurt myself over it
Because I can't have what I want, but I can have self harm and that's something I don't need anyone else for
If I can't get that comforting that I want then I'll just hurt myself instead. See? I can handle it myself. I don't need you. And I can tell myself that if I hurt myself enough then I'll no longer want you.