I quit therapy with my first T twice for that reason, because he was unwilling to take responsibility and own (even just admit) his part in how the therapy turned out. Well, that wasn't the only reason, I also figured we were very incompatible in many ways and he was not useful for my most pressing issues, even hindered my progress. But the lack of responsibility thing was what pushed the ultimate decision buttons.

Like you, I can be very interested in exploring transference and find it useful (more on my own and with friends/colleagues now) and, I feel, I usually get a good sense about which of my reactions and motives are transference-based and which are simpler projections or just responses to whatever happens to me. I also have similarly high standards for responsibility in pretty much every area of my life and a high sensitivity to unfairness (even though, of course, I know it is everywhere).

You were asking why? For me, this is a long developmental process. I was exposed to peer bullying as a kid (so, unfairness) but grew up surrounded by people who had really decent morals and strong sense of responsibility in areas where they were highly functional - my parents, my dad's friends who frequented out home, my favorite teachers and mentors, best friends... looking back, originally it was just a lucky given in my life but then I have continued to make similar choices. One thing that often hindered developing my own version in a practical way was that I did not learn good discipline as a kid and continued to struggle with it as a young adult, for a good while. It frequently caused me a lot of intense cognitive dissonance - on the one hand, having this mental drive and sense of responsibility and on the other hand, not always implementing it well. In my 30's when I was drinking heavily, this dissonance escalated to unbearable levels. My self-destructive behaviors never eradicated the standards and motivations, I was always keenly aware of it, but of course it turned me irresponsible, sometimes sloppy, lying and manipulating etc as I succumbed to my addiction.

Interestingly, the deepening of this dissonance between my standards/values and my reality was what kinda saved me in the end and motivated me to resolve the addiction and other bad habits, work on discipline etc. But I was still greatly struggling when I got into therapy with my first T (a psychoanalyst). Not yet ready to start working on permanent sobriety, seriously better discipline, and to finally align my acts with my own internal values and eliminate the dissonance. I did not perceive my T back then as irresponsible, cutting corners, sloppy, manipulative... why? Well, in part because I did not know him yet but also because, I think, I subconsciously chose to be blind to those features. Luckily, I found some things and people outside therapy that exposed me very directly to the nature of my acts and encouraged to improve very directly, no nonsense and BSing. I was very open and welcoming of those judgments and suggestions and immediately knew that's the kind of help I needed, not acceptance, validation and no-judgment. That and tips how to execute those things in practical reality. I started taking my addiction recovery very seriously and, with that, resolved a lot of my other issues.

Then slowly the personality of that T and the nature of his acts and unprofessionalism became clearer and clearer, bothered me more and more, I think because I was getting much better and no longer needed/wanted anyone to tolerate or even normalize/validate my own irresponsibilities and inner conflicts. It escalated very fast into the T and I having major ruptures - that time genuine personality clashes, I think. It felt disturbing and unpleasant but also good in a way because I was certain that my thoughts, feelings and expressions were much more true to myself, to some of my most important core values about responsibility and integrity. I felt confident speaking up and pointing out when they were taken advantage of or someone attempted to manipulate, to pull me down and even try to convince me that my standards were a psychopathology!

I guess no need to say much more about what I could no longer tolerate it and then quit therapy. Had another T for a while and a short go again a year later with the first T, just because I wanted to double check that my perceptions were not imagined or transient... but the T and I ended in exactly the same conflicts, just even nastier, because by then we knew each-other better and obviously none of us were willing to compromise our nature. I had a few sessions with him and then quit for good. Never regretted or thought my perceptions and decisions were wrong, that they were not in my best interest, or even not realistic. Now it's been >2 years and my mental health/life has only gotten better.

So, to summarize in brief: for me the story with that T and my strong reactions to (ir)responsibility reflected my own basic values and aspirations, what happens when I self-destruct and violate them (also tend to get drawn to similarly irresponsible people with poor self-control, like that T), and what happens as I get out of it and get back on track with a much better aligned self that can actually manifest my values, not just think and wish for them. Reading your posts over time, I don't have the sense that our issues and stories are similar in any major ways, but perhaps some details... One thing I would encourage you to consider is whether these current feelings reflect something really good and timely in your life, perhaps they signal that it is time to make some decisions and changes in your life that are not merely working on emotional health? Maybe not only, or even mainly, regarding therapy but also in other areas of your life and choices?

ETA: Just read Anne's post and very much agree that it is possible this has nothing to do with transference/countertransference whatsoever. Maybe just a simple interpersonal difference. And I also cannot easily imagine that the T worked with you in such a deep and useful way and wasn't serious about it. There, I would perhaps double check your perception and ask whether it can be accurate realistically, considering some of the facts.