First, my questions, followed by the details. I apologize in advance for the length.

Do I have the right to intervene and point out to my friend or her therapist where I think mistakes are being made? Or should I mind my own business and let things take their course.?

I'm concerned that I'm going to seem like I'm obsessing on this but I'm really not. What is happening is that I am constantly reminded of or told about things. What the hell am I talking about? The inappropriate "boundaries" my friend Sue has with her therapist, Jane. (names are changed)

Quick background. Sue is a young woman who I have met in a DBT group. Jane is her therapist. Sue and I are kind of drawn to one another because we understand the intensity of the attachment we have towards our therapists.

I have been dealing with this kind of attachment since at least high school and specifically with my therapists since around 2002. In that time I have had 4 therapists and 2 psychiatrists. I honestly believe that I have finally landed on one with ideal boundaries. Not too hard and not too soft. Up to now though, I've had a wide spectrum of boundaries to traverse.

I would never claim that I am an expert in this subject but I have learned a lot over the years. My first lesson was when I went to Menninger. It was pointed out to me that the relationship I had with the therapist I had back home was very unhealthy and not good for me. I won't explain the details of what I have learned so far.

So here's where I struggle. This particular area is where I see similarities between Sue and me so when I hear about the things Sue's therapist does with or for her, I am flabbergasted. I would be lying if I did not say that I wish my therapist would do some of these things but I hope that I have come far enough to say to my therapist, "I think that you painting my nails confuses me and makes me feel like we are friends when I know that you are only my therapist so this should stop." My emotion mind thinks that I want to spend every moment of my day with my T, but my wise mind says that first it would f*** up my head and I think eventually I would have enough of her... But first my head would be totally effed up.

Now I just want to list the things that I know, or Sue says, that Jane has done with her. The first thing I learned was that they did a "fun run" together. I saw some photos of them doing this together as well. Then there is something about a blanket that Sue has that Jane washes for her so it smells like Jane. Let's see, they often do therapy outside of the office over a meal at places like Moe's. Jane ALWAYS gives Sue a necklace of hers to wear when they are apart for a week or more. Jane has gone to a lab appointment with Sue to hold her hand while she has blood drawn. It wasn't allowed at the lab but apparently they hugged for a long time after in the parking lot until Sue could stop crying. Jane has come to Sue's work and taken pictures of her doing something that was a challenge for Sue. When Sue worked at Disney, Jane used Sue's discount for hotel and entrance to the park. Recently, Jane had a special bracelet made for Sue for Christmas I think. Jane, who was an Olympic athlete, has also recently gone to Sue's diving practice to give pointers to Sue and her trainer. Today, I learned that Jane paints Sue's nails for her.That's a lot of inappropriate stuff for a therapist to do with a client. There's probably more I don't know about.

So why am I reacting to this? Well, I have been friendly with Sue because she is a good person who has a lot of issues like a lot of us. I have empathy for her and I try to help her when she asks for help. I get frustrated because I KNOW that she struggles as intensely as she does partly because Jane's lack of boundaries makes life more difficult than better. For some reason, this professional can't see what is so bleeding obvious. Her behavior f***s with her head confusing Sue as to the nature of their relationship. Jane also makes her own therapeutic relationship with Sue more difficult and she is making me want to distance myself from her. Not only am I frustrated with Sue's inability to grow due to the type of relationship she has with Jane, but remember that I am mentally unstable as well and it hurts that I don't have a fraction of that with my T. Again, I reiterate that my wise mind is thankful for my T. and her appropriate boundaries. I don't want to be confused like Sue surely is.