I think both shame and vulnerability are often in play in therapeutic interactions. And in some cases, there may be a fear that the T will be able to see a Truth that either the client isn't ready to face, or that causes such an up-welling of shame as to feel intolerable.

But in other cases, including my own, the fear wasn't about being seen (my T had already shown himself to be spot on in his perceptions) so much as about a fear of testing my internal reality within the transference.


I had a paternal transference, it was positive, and I was attached to him. But the flip side of any positive transference, is always the potential of negative aspects. In general I saw him as the father I wished I'd had and that's how we related. But underlying that was the fear that he might be abusive like my father. As long as I didn't test that possibility, and kept the fear under wraps, I could maintain the hopeful feelings. But until I could test that belief, I would not be able to trust him 100%.

So not looking wasn't about my revealing myself to him; it was about my hiding from seeing him. He once said to me that as long as I didn't look at him, I'd never know that he couldn't be my abusive father. And if I did look, where would that leave me? I'd have to challenge my thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.


The fear wasn't about him seeing me; it was about me seeing him, and me seeing myself as he saw me.