Hello Yorkie. So sorry you are in this confusing and stressful situation.

I think your idea about staying with your friend for a while is great...I recommend doing that much sooner rather than later. I don't recommend having a direct conversation with your brother about your specific concerns. Based on what you described, I think that might blow up and not really help you achieve your goals. Before you move to your friend's place, all you need to tell your brother is: "I appreciate that you let me stay with you and get stable with money again. That was kind of you. My next step is to work toward more independence. I think that will be easier to do when I'm not staying with family...at my friend's place I will have to stand on my own two feet and that is what I need to do now. Then I will save up and get my own place."

If he pushes for more info, just say: "That's all there is...working on my independence. If I have more updates for you after I move out, I will let you know." If he gets angry or won't let the topic drop, just leave immediately. Please remember that nobody (not even a brother) has a right to aggress toward you or frighten you. You have a right to call the police and get help if your brother scares you at any point or tries to stop you from leaving. You would likely be surprised by how quickly he would de-escalate if a man in uniform showed up to check on things.

With regard to feeling like he's being inappropriate/sexual toward you, the issue is not what he might be thinking or intending...the issue is that you ARE uncomfortable and you find it inappropriate...your feelings are valid therefore you need to set your boundaries in a way that feels comfortable for you. That would likely mean no more physical contact of any kind with your brother...it would certainly be easier that way. And that will also be a lot easier to achieve when you are not living with your brother.

Please don't do a number on yourself with self-blame etc. You've been in a less than ideal situation (we've all been in odd situations one way or another), you realized it isn't working for you, and you are going to move to a better situation. You are stronger than you realize!

It may help you to read about how and why to set boundaries...that is an important skill for all of us whether with family, friends, or colleagues. And it is not easy for any of us! You are not alone!

With regard to your money troubles, a lot of banks offer free financial advising. Why not make an appointment and ask a professional (you're also not related to) to help you manage your money? It's a skill, right? Just because it hasn't been your strength in the past doesn't mean you can't work on developing your money management skills.

I wish you peace, hope, and a bright future! Keep bringing your focus and goals back to you. Your brother will figure out his own life. Your primary responsibility is to take care of yourself and your needs and goals. It will likely be healthier for him to live without you...if he is having incestuous feelings for you, sharing a home with you would not be the path to peace for him either, right?

If planning the transition, and telling your brother, seems like climbing a tough mountain or nearly impossible, you can always consult with an experienced therapist for comfort and coping and communication strategies. There are folks out there with just the right training to help people jump life's hurdles. A therapist can also help to analyze your relationship with your brother in a way that PC members cannot. As far as the future with your sibling relationship goes after you move out, I think you would really benefit from professional support. Best wishes!