Hey all,

I was recently hospitalized for close to a year due to a crazy manic episode I experienced last year. It has cost me SO much that my heart is actually hurting. Even though I had a good day today, (saw my friend I have had for 20 years), being online again I realize now that ALL the groups that I was a part of have blocked me or abandoned me.

I guess its at times like these, (somewhat late at night), that I start feeling this way. In the past, I have enjoyed playing games with friends on Facebook or tweeting along with my Star Trek group on Twitter while we watch Star Trek shows that air on a local channel every night. I tried to just send out a tweet tonight, but I think the channel (H&I) may have blocked my tweets from their feed as well, which is SO disheartening. And again, I am going to mention all the friends I lost from Facebook which is like a dagger in my heart because these were people I knew personally from real life friendships.

I guess I want to say NO ONE really understands what it is like to have an illness in which you can LOSE EVERYTHING and then you have to rebuild. I am having such a hard time rebuilding though, I feel so alone and so lost.

I wish I had somewhere to go and hang out. I wish I had my friends. I had spent so long building those friendships over the years, and when they just left me - I can't seem to get over it.

I am going to be 39 in June and I feel like its so hard to make new friends.

I guess this is just a rant to whoever wants to listen.