Both of you mentioned previous sexual trauma and this is something that my wife has experienced in the past. Previous lovers treated her like sex was her "duty" to them and although she hadn't realized it before, i know from my nursing training that what she experienced from these men was rape, even though it was during a committed relationship. This is why i have always been loath to push the matter too much with her because i don't want her to feel like she "owes" me sex. I have tried everything i can to let her know how important sex is to me because it makes me feel feel connected with her in a way that nothing else can, not because i just need to get my rocks off. However, as much as i am very empathetic to her past treatment (nothing in this world makes me angry like violence against women), she has mentioned many times how different and safe she feels with me, and, as i mentioned, she was enjoying sex and other shows of physical affection very much for a long period. Now it feels like an off switch was hit and she has no interest in turning it back on. To answer Sarah's question, no, i cannot stand the the thought of having this sexless existence with her forever, even though she is my one. I had a previous relationship that went on for over a decade with sex maybe once a year at most and, although i loved her, it slowly just ate away at me until i hated myself. Of course sex is not everything in a great marriage, but it hurts me that it is not important enough to her to even try to work on it. All the while, i am afraid to push the matter too far and make her resent me for it. I have not been unfaithful to her or ever even considered it, nor would i ever. She is my lone fantasy, i don't talk about other women around her or do anything to make her doubt she is my only love. She has completely emasculated me through all of this. I want to be able to make romantic sexual gestures too and turn her on, not only things like flowers and such. I have actually given up expecting that we will ever have a healthy sex life. I restarted an antidepressant i was on before, even though i am not depressed, because it lowers my libido and i figure maybe that way, i can endure the pain of knowing my wife doesn't desire me. I really appreciate both of your feedback and ideas. Thank you for yourthoughtful words.