I hope you're feeling a bit better, Ptak! I'm so sorry you're hurting so much Of course you can have an hug! You can have as many hugs as you want! Here's many hugs for you: I'm so sorry you're feeling this way about your weight! Please remember that you're first and foremost a PERSON above everything else and that your value isn't defined by a number on a scale! It's perfectly normal to want to work on our weight and to start to eat in a healhty and safe way, but remember that you're a strong, wonderful person, whether you feel "fat" or not! I completely agree with what all the wonderful people on this thread have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given some great advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it! I'm really happy that you're starting to read some books on weight and that they're helping you a bit! Like we've all said, you're MUCH, MUCH more valuable that you think you are! Please remember that! We all love you here regardless of how you look and I'm sure that the people who TRULY love you for who you TRULY are will accept you completely as well! I hope you'll be able to meet some other people that will be able to give you the love and respect that you truly DESERVE, because you ARE WORTH IT and you DO DESERVE IT! Please don't be so hard on yourself! I'm so sorry you've had to wait so long for your doctor! I completely agree with you about talking to him about this and seeing how it goes from there! Maybe that could help! Hopefully he'll listen to you and understand you! Remember that you'll always be loved here no matter what happens! I completely agree with what LadyShadow has already wisely said about trying to see a nutritionist! I feel like that may really help you! I'm sure you'll be able to get through all of this! Just remember that you're a strong, wonderful people regardless of your looks and weight and that you'll ALWAYS look amazing because YOU ARE WONDERFUL, no matter what other people! I hope things will get better soon for you! Please don't give up hope! Try to hang on as much as you can! Sending many hugs to you, Ptak! Remember that we all care about you here! Remember that we all love you here! Feel free to vent and write as much as you need and want! You know we won't judge you! I promise you that! You're a strong, wonderful person and remember that YOU ROCK, NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY! Please remember that!