I wasn't much of an English student but I love a good metaphor. The parenting metaphors tend to fall flat with me, at least as they apply to therapy. But I think his email clarification was great and exactly right. Just like it was hard for me to imagine (and it was for my now teen son) that he would want to leave the house one day, it turns out he actually does. And so do I Not because I am caring for him less, now that he has a part-time job, drives his own car, does his own laundry, and cooks for himself. I'm not caring for him "less" because I'm still giving him everything he needs and wants. He just doesn't need the same things as he used to.

I still do drive him places even though he doesn't always "need" it, and sometimes cook for him or help him put his laundry away. He has transformed very recently from someone who would prefer me to do things for him to someone who says, "I've got to learn how to do these things for myself." While he may desire some "extra help" from time to time, he truly does prefer to do it himself.

I think it's hard to imagine feeling differently than you do about T's care, whether it's wanting reassurance, responses to email, or anything "care" related. But there will come a time when that will change, and it's not that you will have something taken away from you, but you will be stronger and more secure in your own abilities to care for yourself.