I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Your post reminded me of some experiences I've had with mental health providers. (I'll spare you the details.) You didn't mention how old you are. I'm 70 now. And I finally cut my last connection to mental health services where I live... oh... about a year ago I guess it would be now. (Memory fails me...) I can relate to that last sentence in your post: "I just don't want to even bother anymore because it seems like nobody ever listens to how I feel. uffda." I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find a path to a brighter tomorrow.