Thank you for all your well wishes and replies. I'm currently taking

Tegretol 600mg
Wellbutrin 150mg
Effexor XR 225mg
Clonazapam 1mg
Xanax 2mg if I'm good more if I'm bad

I've tried and can't take Depakote, Lithium, Lamictal, Topomax, Celexa, I've had problems with all of them except for the Celexa, which didn't do anything for me

I realize that I have to be on a mood stabilizer or else my rapid cycling will probably revert back to changing approx 30 times a day. That was simply unbearable. It can still change several times a day but nowhere near the 30, now at most maybe 7, never really counted them. Still hard, exhausting and frustrating but I can accept that. What I can't deal with is the abyss. Feeling extremely suicidal and wanting absolutely no help while like that is a very common thing for me while residing in the abyss. So, I have to wonder, why that wouldn't be more of a concern.

BTW, I don't tell my pdoc that I'm still rapid cycling or even that I'm having hypomanic episodes at all. I've already requested another increase in my Wellbutrin to which I was turned down because she didn't want me to have any hypomanic episodes. So, if she knew I was already, she would most certainly decrease my ADs, which would send me straight to the abyss and I feel strongly about what the result of that would be. So, with all I've said in this particular reply, I won't be able to print the thread, I'll have to rely on my memory, which is extremely short-lived. ie: I forgot that I had even posted this thread this morning until I saw it on the list.