I’m not sure what kind of urgent advice on a friend you are looking for.

You vetted your business partner so carefully before you teamed up with her, but then you became everything you were worried about.

It does sound like you may have depression or ptsd, and are extremely controlling and disrespectful of others’ boundaries.

You are just trying to have your cake and eat it too. You have your wife. You want to possess your business partner. You can’t stand the thought of anyone else having her, and intruded on her attempts at a relationship with someone else, like a jealous lover, which you are.

I know of a family who went to their father’s funeral and surprisingly met his other secret family and learned he had left them money in his will. It’s not pretty. Do you care how your wife will feel if you die and she learns you left your partner/lover money in your will? She will hate you post mortem.