I'm so sorry you're going through all of this, platipusjack I'm afraid I must agree with what all the other wonderful people on this thread have already wisely said better than I ever could. You've been given lots of great, wonderful advice on this thread! I'd suggest to follow it if you can! From what you wrote it seems like there are many things you may want to work on. You may have Depression or you may simply be too attached to people you care about. It's perfectly ok to care about other people as well, but not to the point of ruining your marriage, your relationships, your own health and well-being and your own money! I feel like you're definitely too controlling for your own good and you may want to work on that. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. I feel like that's VERY important for you and that you may want to do it as soon as you can. Things may get worse. From what you wrote I think you've already understood that the situation is not really good and that you may want to do something to change it as soon as you can. I'd suggest to modify your will as soon as you can. Your wife will very likely feel very hurt by all of this if she finds out. I believe you need to be honest to her with all of this. Even if you don't want to tell her the truth, please try to remember that she's your wife and that she DOES NEED to be respected. Please try to really think about what we've all wrote to you here. I hope you'll be able to make the best decision for yourself, your wife and your friend. Remember that we're here for you if you need it! Feel free to PM me anytime! Let me know if I can do something to help you! Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes! I'm so sorry you, your wife and your friend all have to deal with all of this, platipusjack