yeah you said "He said that he can see the pattern of someone getting angry at me and me launching an attack at them because I think it is the end of the relationship. So I push them away before they can do it to me. "

i think that is what is happening. this guy in choir was leading a rehearsal for the director and used caustic humor to degrade us. i sent him an email saying this is not ok to do. he sent my email and his reply to everyone in the rehearsal and the director ***shame, shame!!! shame on my head*** and then ppl wrote back to everyone in support of the guy. here i though i was standing up for people ...turns out they must *like* being treated in caustic ways. well fine. goodie for them. I told them this doesn't work for me and maybe i should quit. so now even the guy's wife writes me to get me to stay. i can't figure out - am i the bad guy or not?! i think i am supposed to just *be* in the happenings without judging them.... but i am angry and anxious and GRRRRRRRRRRRR. i don't want to go back.