I ****ed up today. I hurt my husband's feelings again. I want to ball up and cry. Instead I took an ambien. I have to be careful not to get addicted. At the same time I really don't care. I wish I could put into words what I'm feeling. I need help but I suck. I want my "loud" head back, I don't want to feel bad for not feeling. I want the outgoing me back. I'm going to stop the zyprexa staying only on the lamictal. I need to feel something except just bad for not feeling. Maybe IOP? I may just wait until my son leaves for the summer. I might just go back to my old clinic so I can get abilify shot. So many thoughts I'm drowning