I'm posting in the addictions forum for now cuz I'm dealing with addiction..

I don't know why though. I'm just upset about my future and situation and mental illness. I want to be on the right meds but less antipsychotic.

I want to be myself without people judging me because of labels and people saying "He's like this because of (Label)". I just want people to treat my symptoms as they are and not categorize them into labels.

The hospital isn't such a bad thing. It's just a small set back to get better. It isn't the worst thing in the world if I ended back up in the hospital. However I would refuse too much antipsychotics and probably be kept there until I agree to take them. The last thing I want is to have to take the injection by law where the police will find me and bring me to the hospital if I miss an injection. I've been compliant with it for like 5 years.

I'm also super stressed out because I don't feel like studying most of the time right now because I'm stressed about reality and my existence and what to do and what not to do, whether I should go off the rails or be too comfortable being "stable" and getting nothing accomplished. I want to take control of my life and be myself. I don't know how bad my delusions and paranoia can get when completely off the injection but I'm sure that it will be fine based on how I am now as if the injection is just a placebo. That's a fixed state of perception I have.