I have a similar problem, but different. I take showers that are forever long. I never seem to feel clean enough. My kids get frustrated with me, but I turn into a prune before I get out and often run out all the hot water. I have been known to scrub so hard I have sores or bruises. I have to use perfume and powder and lotion and anything to not smell "human." It makes my stomach turn to smell normal human scents, especially my own and male. I especially have a hard time with hands... I can't look at some male hands for any period of time without triggering.

Many of my assaults/rapes/sodomy were in the shower or bathroom as well, but most were in the bedroom, basement, car, etc... so there's not really one particular place that triggers me more than others. But, being alone or in darkness and I'm a basket case. I leave a light on at night and every once in awhile, my 23 year old son will come in and turn it off. If I wake up and I'm in darkness, I panic completely. I had to put a "rear view" contoured mirror in my office because I kept scaring my coworkers when I'd jump out of my chair when they entered my office without my knowing it.

Yes, I understand the showering and triggering issues. You all deserve a big ((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) I wish I could take it all away so we'd all be better now, but it's good to know there's more people out there going through the same thing. My "being alone" thing... doesn't feel quite so bad knowing you're all here.