Thanks Bizi.

That actually is still the only time I've really cried. I'm surprised but feel less on the verge of tears than I had been. I've listened to the music a good bit and let myself remember. Because he was abusive good memories are hard to find and I've been trying to focus on them this week. They make me sad too but better than the hurt, angry memories that are most of what I remember of him. Easter will bring back a lot of memories; he did Easter well. He'd hide eggs 3-4 times if we wanted and he hid them in hard places so that usually at least one turned up in the summer. Definitely the best holiday memories.

My therapist told me that the stages of grief aren't really for the grieving but for those who are dying. And it doesn't feel like going through stages, more floating in and out of different feelings.

I don't know what comes next. Tomorrow is therapist day so I'm sure we'll work on whatever the next step needs to be.

This is one of the most confusing things I have ever gone through.