My dad has always been a highly self-focused person. He definitely loves my siblings and me, but what he has always given us was not a relationship that one really wishes from a parent. About 15 years ago, my mother suddenly died. She was truly a giving "motherly" person. It was interesting that for about a few years after her passing, my dad seemed more giving, emotionally, to my siblings and me than ever before.

Before my mom's death, he was always present with my mom when we visited, or when we still lived at home. He was always an entertaining father who liked to tell stories, though generally didn't listen much. We accepted that. But in the last five years or so he's totally not present. In fact, when we try to visit him or even call, he cuts us short and excuses himself to either nap, return home, or even go out and socialize with his "cronies". He basically gives nothing in return for what we try to give him. We all still want a dad, and want to be loving and supporting children, but it's hard.

My dad does give us monetary gifts periodically. Of course they are appreciated, but I have told him and my siblings that I would give them all up in an instant if he'd give me more of himself. They feel the same way. And yet he doesn't get the "loud and clear" hint.

Alcohol did become an issue with him in the recent decades. It has worsened the whole situation. My siblings and I have tried to get him help, quite aggressively, but to no avail. He's in his late 70s now. This past year I even went to Al-Anon and one thing I said there was that I feel like my father is so disconnected to our lives that he's almost dead, in a sense. This has been a while. I grieved a lot, but now I almost feel like I'm well over halfway through the grieving process. I almost think that if he passed away tomorrow that my grieving would be rather mild and quick. At times, I almost wish he was gone because then the bit of wishful thinking that things will be different would end. That, I know, sounds horrible, but it's true.