Quote:
Originally Posted by susannahsays
I don't really think blame has to do with why his behavior was appealing in the first place. And of course I'm not blaming LT for what he did. But there is a difference between having an urge to connect, and having a void, which is the word LT herself used to describe how she felt.
Lots of people say they have a void inside of them, and people deal with it in different ways. Some people do drugs. Others try to fill the void with food. Still others jump from relationship to relationship or have meaningless and unsatisfying sex with strangers looking for something to fill the void. Just because LT isn't going around sleeping with strangers or shooting up heroin doesn't actually mean she feels less pain than someone who does cope with the void that way. In not "pathologizing," I think there can be a risk of minimizing the issue.
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Thanks, this makes sense. And actually, I got the word "void" from ex-MC. At one point in session, he turned to me and said, "Do you ever feel like there's just this void inside you that no one can fill?" And I thought for a minute, then said "Yes." At the time, he said he couldn't fill it, H couldn't feel it, that no person could fill it. That he and ex-T (current T at time) could help me with it, but it's ultimately up to me to fill. Yet at times, it felt like he did try to fill it. And would say stuff about how working through the transference for him could help rewrite past stories from childhood.
That's actually something we talked about in session today, how it was like he sold me on this thing that working through transference could do. So I felt like if I kept working with him, then I would get that result. And in terminating, it was like I lost my chance for that. In a way...I guess it's almost like he was some scam artist trying to sell me on a miracle cure. (These are my words.) T doesn't seem to think that "working through transference" in that way really works, or at least he doesn't understand how it does.