Quote:
Originally Posted by octoberful
I didn't take it as pathologizing at all. (Not trying to change your view-just adding mine.)
Before I read your reply, I thought drug addiction was an apt analogy in this context. In the conversation, both T and LT say they don't understand where the intense longing feelings comes from--it doesn't make sense. I see a strong similarities with drug addiction--it doesn't make sense, either, why someone would make a white powder, for example, so important that you'll let it take over your life. It's that powerful. Transference can be that powerful, too, and can take over your life.
I also see it as a stark indicator that those feelings had little to do with MC himself; rather, they have everything to do about past hurts and unresolved developmental issues. Little LT.
Transference is intense and powerful. Transference distorts and can 'blind you' to reality. People with severe drug addiction can seem they are under some kind of spell, disconnected from reality, which is normally referred to as being in denial. Transference, when that intense, leads to reality disconnect as well.
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Thanks for this. I'm pretty sure it's mostly about past hurts and other childhood stuff, too. I've never felt truly accepted by my parents for who I am--particularly the mental illness aspect (and introversion, for my mom)--and it felt like ex-MC was giving me that. Like what I missed from childhood. His talking about how he helped his daughter, then son with their anxiety fed into that as well. Like, what if I'd had a father like him?
Your last paragraph made me wonder something. I wonder if part of what I'm mourning now isn't just losing ex-MC, but having more of an understanding of the reality of the situation? His last email response to me, in early December (the last time I contacted him) felt sort of final and didn't seem to have the same caring under it as others. So maybe some of it is dealing with the harsh reality of what the relationship actually was--and wasn't. Like, now that I'm out from under that spell/intoxication/whatever you want to call it, I can see more clearly what was going on.
I think seeing him walk out of his office (while I was leaving T's parking lot) a couple weeks ago may have also reminded me that he still exists but isn't a part of my life anymore. It's been 4 months since we've had any sort of communication, and his last email reply to me felt sort of final, and I didn't feel the same caring underneath it as usual. But it's hard to say if that was his tone (like intentional on his part) or if I was just seeing it differently now.
Some stuff to think about...