I'm sad tonight. This happens after every therapy visit when I talk for an hour about my father, my relationship with him, how the grief is hitting, etc. Lots of regrets that things couldn't have been different even though I know they couldn't have been.

I'm also feeling discouraged about my cat. He's only 2 so should be healthy and he just isn't. Last summer he started getting sores on his paws that was diagnosed as caused by allergies. They get infected and need antibiotics and an immunosuppresent plus a special diet. He had 3 months of no problems and then had a round of foot sores. We got those cleared up and he got horrible sores around his mouth. We changed to a stronger antibiotic that worked really well before our 3 months remission. He HATES it.
It's not a small amount of antibiotic and then needs a big dose of water to prevent scarring in his throat. Every time he gets loose enough to scratch my hands and tries to run from the water. Last time we used this antibiotic he was fine but he's had so much medicine since January that I think he's just fed up with me. And now he has a lump on his face. So we'll be gong back to the vet sooner than our 2 week follow-up scheduled for next week. Too bad because the sores we went in for are nearly gone but now we have another problem.

They already want to send us to the university hospital dermatologist. They can do one blood test locally first and we'll do that just in case we catch the culprit (although it would probably be fatal). This is going to get extremely expensive and I don't have money for that. I have a feeling that good things are not going to happen for Charlie and I can't imagine losing him at such a young age.

I'm just sad tonight. And overwhelmed. And I have that thing where I want to go back to the last 30 seconds of therapy and ask for clarification.

Someday I'll write a happy post. Right now I can have decent days but there's always this stuff underneath and begging to be acknowledged.

Thanks for listening.