Hugs to all above. When I think of our recent irritations with each other, especially my own episodes of agitated hostility towards him, it seems so petty now. I'm still at the hospital, staying the night, wishing wishing we could stay here as we are for a good while longer. I brought him treats from the gift shop and cafeteria - sweets that he eagerly relished like a child. I have to stay in the moment; if I think forward in time to when I can't do that, I dread him being gone.

Nurses here are kind to me. I can be kinder and more patient with him because I feel supported. He in turn is sweeter to me, kissing my hand earlier. The two of us were overly alone together and mutually depleted. We needed help. Once in a while, life gives you what you need.

Man's humanity toward man makes hardship and sorrow bearable. I have to remember that, when he is gone, that doesn't have to be the end of my being needed by someone. The world around me is in no danger of running out of need. And people are not so awful that no one will care that I am in need.

We each need others to care for and and we need to be cared for by others. In the intensity of the great mutual need he and I have for each other during this time, it seems like he is my whole world and that, with him gone, nothing important will be left to me. But that's false. I'm focused intently on him right now because that focus is needed. It makes the rest of the world seem to disappear. When my caregiving of him stops being needed, I can notice all that is around me that I've become blind to. This world will not be barren of things that merit my attention . . . of persons worth knowing. In life there is always something to do worth doing, if you are willing to keep trying. Life will keep being interesting, if I just take an interest in it. I have to remember that.

I should make a "To Do" list of some things I'ld like to do tomorrow - either because they need to be done, or because I'ld just like to do them - so that I move along and my mind doesn't stagnate just perseverating at what happens to be in front of me. I've got clean laundry at the laundromat that's been sitting there for days. I have a week's worth of mail not yet opened. I've been wanting to visit a church and to call a friend I haven't talked to in a while. There's a lot I could get done, if I budgeted my time and followed a little schedule. That would leave less time for morbid thinking. Accomplishing a variety of little goals in a short span of time can be very satisfying and refreshing.

Once in a while I come up with some good advice for myself. Writing helps that.