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sarahsweets · Apr 09, 2019, 02:29 AM

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Originally Posted by FoxFire Kinemon

I've tried to help as much as I can, but she has prohibited me from directly speaking with my family. As I'm not convinced that speaking to them will help at all to begin with, I've agreed.

Are you ok with her not wanting/letting you speak to your mother and sister? Why?

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Also, she has always been a gentle soul and would simply "deal" with what my family has been saying to her (which, if I hadn't mentioned already, is always behind my back). Just very recently did she kind of.... explode a bit.

She stood up for herself and basically wrote out a whole essay of all the ways the women in my family are sinners against God. She sent it off as a text last week and has since heard... nothing. Complete radio silence. The silence has really agitated her behavior.

What kinds of things did your family do and say to her? I feel like that text was really harsh and unless your family was busy telling her that she was a sinner and all that it would seem to be not necessary.

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Over the course of the last year, we've experienced some issues as a result of the in-exhaustive list of hardships of hers and some issues of mine that I've also brought to the table (though mine are far less in magnitude than hers). We do not currently live together. In fact, we're in a long distance relationship at this time while I am at University.

so then does this mean all the nastiness between your family and here is over the phone and computer?

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She's been short tempered and suspicious of me. She will "break up" with me after getting angry at something super trivial (such as me taking longer than she would've liked to respond to a question... while talking over the phone) then cry and say she can't leave me sometime in the following few days. She has begun to suspect I am "in league" with the women of my family and that I will soon break up with her.

Since you are engaged I feel this is not a good sign. What kind of marriage do you expect to have if she uses breaking up with you as a weapon? When you are married you cant do that. It sounds really hurtful.

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Yesterday morning, she was telling me how much she loved me and valued my patience. She said that she couldn't believe that someone loves her the way I do.
Last night, she "breaks up" with me again because I asked why she was wanting to know "everyone I had spoken on the phone with" yesterday. She said that I was being "impatient, careless, aloof, and never loved me to begin with." in a literally 40 minute long verbal tirade on how much she hated me.

IMO this is abuse. She controls who you speak with, she uses breaking up as a weapon, she spends 40 minutes telling you that she hates you and then you say she will tell you another time how she cant live without you?
(64 Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse: How to Identify It, What to Do

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I understand she is going through a lot. I have little doubt that this is all what it amounts to. I love her and I care for her. We've been together for 2.5y and it's only in the past year has all this been happening. I also have brought up psychiatric help in the past.... that didn't go so well.

What happens when you talk about this when she is calm? Does she think its ok?

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I'm also not sure what I should do when in a couple days she'll cry and say that she needs me.

I do not think you should be engaged to her. I personally do not think you should be in a relationship either but if you stay you need to go to therapy yourself and work on boundaries and study what abuse is and how to get out of it. This is not a way two people who want to get married should act. And marrying her and then having that kind of strife in your family is a recipe for disaster.