Hello FFK,

I am so sorry that you and your fiance are in this confusing and stressful situation.

I think it may be helpful (I hope!) to point out a few things as a neutral third party:

- being annoyed or upset with a partner does not make it okay to say "I hate you" or to scream and shout and tell people they are going against God.

- repeatedly "breaking up" with someone every time there's an issue is not the path to peace. All relationships need stability at their foundation. You cannot have a stable relationship with someone who keeps ending the relationship.

- if I understood you correctly, you said your mother and sister "verbally abused" your fiance. Or was it the other way around or both? Sorry, I got confused in one section. Anyway, verbal abuse is not okay from anyone in any circumstance whether they are family members, fiances, people struggling with an ill parent etc.

- Yes, your fiance is going through a lot of stress but I think what's happening is that the stress is magnifying (not creating) her lack of self-esteem, personal security, and emotional intelligence. You seem to be excusing inappropriate behaviors because of her life situation. Life will always bring us struggles and stress...the key is how we respond and manage those struggles both for our own selves and also the people we love.

- you seem to possibly be drawn to being Knight in Shining Armor to her Damsel in Distress. Take a step back and think about that. Is that healthy for either of you?

I am almost never this candid on PC and I always look at both sides in any relationship. But I think the relationship you are currently in is unhealthy for each of you. I do not think your fiance is currently capable of having a stable relationship with a partner. I encourage you to take time alone to think about what you want your future to look like. Are you able to share that sort of future with someone screaming and shouting and breaking up and saying she hates you and then flipping to "I need you to save me" ?

At this point in my life, my top goal for all of my relationships (romantic and otherwise) is peace. Peace on my side and peace on their side. I don't think your fiance has a current goal of peace....or if she does she is not able to work on her own peace without professional support. And I think it could be helpful for you to think about why you want to marry someone not living peacefully. You may also want to read about personality disorders. I am not a psychologist but your fiance sounds like she could be exhibiting some of those traits. You may want to read about borderline personality disorder and see if it sounds familiar (intense fear of abandonment or rejection, unstable or dysfunctional self-image, unstable relationships, explosive anger, extreme emotional swings, inappropriate emotional reactions, "I love you....I hate you....I love you...I hate you" )

Would you be open to speaking with a therapist on your own? To think things through?

I wish you and your fiance peace, hope, and a bright future. I'm no expert but I think each of you is more likely to find your peace apart rather than together.