Your response is thought provoking. In my case, and I can't speak for others, I believe, in general, T's boundaries were always strong. He told me to call if I needed him. However, we didn't discuss the definition of need, and I began to rely on phone calls for frequent support between sessions. It got to the point where he could not give me the level of support I wanted. He asked me to consider how we can manage the phone calls between session and I flipped out. Yes, his boundary here was blurry and he hurt me with it. He acknowledged that he handled this poorly, especially because he dropped this bomb in the midst of my pain and transference. But we have worked through most of this, and I still call when I need to make contact. However, now I don't ask him to call me back unless that is the only way I can get through something. Often, I just talk to the machine and know he is listening; or I ask him to call back and leave a message on my cell. So, there are levels of phone support. I save the request for call backs to those that feel urgent to me. I know that he is only human, and maybe because of my own parenting I forgive him?

Is a good enough parent there to witness also? I mean if my teenage son is acting like a two year old do I let him keep acting that way? Or do I strengthen my resolve, treat him like the young man he is and ignore the acting out? If so, does that mean my boundaries weren't there to begin with? I don't believe so.

I think that developmentally appropriate behavior can be considered in the mix.