Quote:
Originally Posted by Doomraven0
I feel like this hit the nail on the head. Even if she makes me happy, plain and simple i, well, we both [have needs that are not being met and it is not sustainable for me long term. I really don't think it is for her either but she seems to be deluding herself that it is ok. And how am i supposed to feel about that decision on her part? Am i supposed to be ecstatic in our marriage when one whole, very important facet of it has been left in the dumpster? I really have been trying to be as selfless as possible since the relationship began, so she knows this is a partnership and feels supported. It does feel completely one-sided now though and i don't think i should feel like a selfish person because i want to have sex and physical affection from her. It is most definitely not something we agreed upon, or indeed, that it seemed like would be such a long term issue. I figured it was a phase but now i feel like a dope for being stuck in a sexless, passionless marriage yet again, especially when it seemed like that was one aspect that was going so well before. I guess i am just doomed to be physically frustrated in marriage.
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You really don't think she'd join you in marriage therapy...in order to keep you in her life?
I would encourage you not to think of yourself as "doomed." I think part of the problem could be that you are willing to resign yourself to the situation. Your wife knows that so she's continuing on in a way that suits her while ignoring your wishes. I wonder what she'd say if you told her that marriage therapy is essential at this point because you are not willing to live the rest of your days in a sexless, passionless marriage? Perhaps she needs a very direct reality check?
Or something like "I don't feel loved by you when you make a major unilateral decision and then expect me to just go along with it. Why doesn't my opinion count? I feel increasingly lonely and disconnected from you. This is not okay. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership."